7 stages of woman

‘Smudged lipstick’: Why it’s not going to be a trend.

According to multiple magazines, smudged lipstick is going to be the next big trend. Fat chance. Just because one thing is on a runway, everyone seems to think it’s the biggest trend of the year. The thing most of these magazines and journalists fail to realize is this makeup is for high fashion shows. High fashion shows aren’t to show clothes that ‘normal’ people would wear. High fashion is about art, it’s primarily about showing clothes that were created for artistic purposes. The only people who could actually wear those clothes are the people rich enough to not care what people think.

As much as I do love the smudged look, I doubt many people could pull it off without it looking like a mess. It’d end up looking like they’d overdrawn, attempted to rub it off and then left it. May aswell just scribble over their lips with the lipstick, frankly.

We all know we would all end up looking like this.

Other high fashion makeup includes thick black eye makeup, flowers on the lips, sequins stuck all over the face. None of those have become trends have they? That’s because there’s a big difference between haute couture makeup and actual makeup trends.

Anyway, whatever you decide to do is your business, but I won’t be trying to do smudged lipstick because I know for a fact it’ll fail. I’ll always love haute couture and makeup and that side of the art world. It’s always going to be one of my favorite art forms, I’d love it if it sneaked it’s way into the ‘normal’ world but I doubt that’s gonna be happening anytime soon.


Becoming a ger.

In Modern Hebrew, ger refers to a convert to Judaism.

Last week I went to synagogue for the first time. Last night I went again. I’ve never felt so connected to a group of people I would never expect to meet normally. The feeling I get when walking into the synagogue is incredible, I almost feel as though I am starting my life again.

The main reason I’ve wanted to convert is when I was doing research into my family history I found 3 members of my family were put in a camp in the Shoah(holocaust) because they were Jewish. After doing some research into the religion I realized this was the religion that I felt most at home with. So after years of research and thinking about it I called my local synagogue and asked about conversion. They were so helpful and told me to just come to Shabbat service regularly for a year before I can convert. So that week I came to the service and spoke to people and everyone was so nice about me being there and so helpful and showed me what to do during the service.

Last night I spoke to the Rabbi doing the service (a different one to last time, we have foster Rabbis there not a permanent one) and one of the ladies in the congregation who explained to me that the reason that I have to attend service regularly for a year before starting conversion is because they need to see I’m serious about converting. They gave me loads of information about and told me about why we do different things during the service. They were really nice and comforting when I told them about my Granny Smith passing away last week. The lady I told first said ‘I wish you long life’ which is perhaps one of my favorite traditions, wishing a mourner long life. I’ve read that it is an elegant way of saying “hang in there, you will get through this immense pain and you will live to discover comfort and even joy again”. (

After the service we all have a brew and a chat and they encourage me to ask them questions, because as Jews we are always learning and questioning everything, the quote they gave was ‘You’ll never have finished learning.’ Next week I’ll definitely go with some questions ready and prepared, and hopefully I’ll learn more all the time.

Dealing with grief.

Recently my Great Gran (hereafter referred to as Granny Smith) died. She’d been sick for a long time and I’d last seen her about a week before for her birthday. I’ve seen her regularly for most of my life and I was definitely close to her. She’s perhaps the only person I’ve met that would just tell people exactly what she thought of them (I inherited that trait from her, naturally). Everyone in the family has heard a comment about their outfit or general appearance at some point in their life. My cousins and I got the ‘hair comment’ the most. We’d walk into the house with a great new cut or color we were dead proud of and she’d be straight in with: “What have you done to your hair?!”

About 2 years before this my Grandma Jean died. I’d seen her two weeks before her death but I wasn’t as close with her (due to family issues I won’t go into). When my mom told me she’d died I was devastated. I cried for hours, I couldn’t speak to anyone, I cried myself to sleep that night. When my Granny Smith died, I cried for about a minute. I couldn’t figure out why I had reacted so differently. I felt awful about it, as though it must have meant I loved one more than the other

After some frankly limited research I have come to the conclusion it is due to anticipatory grief. According to the one single article I read, anticipatory grief is when a loved one suffers from a long term illness so that you already have the emotional response of grief before they’ve actually died. Surprisingly, it makes a lot of sense. I’ve been feeling terrible because I’ve been feeling nothing, as though she’d died ages ago. After reading about anticipatory grief I’ve realised she did die ages ago. At least part of her did, she’s always been strong and able to live alone and do things for herself, but after she got diagnosed with her brain and lung tumors she couldn’t live alone and soon after she stopped being able to leave her bed. She spent her last months in bed, in the living room of her daughter. She was barely living, sleeping most of the day and spending all day in her bed.

If anything I’m relieved that she passed away. She’s not in any more pain and she can’t feel as though she’s a burden on anyone like she did in her last days. She’s with my Grandad now, and while I’m not certain on an afterlife, I can always hope she’s in a better place.

In the beginning…

Honestly no idea why I started this. I don’t really have many things to talk about but I do have a lot of opinions. This blog may just be like 90% opinions and 10% my incredibly boring life, but I’m just going to see how long I can keep at this.

So, I’m watching a film I’ve just found called ‘Ask Me Anything‘. It’s incredible, my favorite type of films are ones about adolescent girls discovering their sexuality and not having the same cliche reaction to it all. I like the cinematography in this one as well, it’s all so beautifully filmed. The characters are so deep and complex and the ending was incredible. I seriously recommend this film.

Anyway, I’ll probably write another post later, for now I suggest you watch Ask Me Anything, it’ll change your life. I promise.

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